Gone


I should have given this preface when I posted this earlier, but, this is the house that I grew up in. It was built by my grandfather, I”m guessing in the late 19th or early 20th centuries. There, he and my grandmother raised nine children, my mother, and my aunts and uncles. When I grew up there, the house was surrounded by mature trees with thick pine groves on the north and west that served as wind breaks. There was an apple orchard and grape vines and a huge garden. The place was always alive with cows, hogs, chickens, horses, and visitors who drank beer and lemonade on the once broad front porch. Now, only three or four trees and a few of the old farm buildings still remain. Deserted, it stands as a stark monument to what once was, as does so much of our modern life which finds the old ways, old things, old times, something to be disposed of, destroyed, and forgotten. The darkening sky portrayed my feelings at seeing my childhood home, now most likely close to being knocked down and buried as is so much of our history, so as to gain another few acres to be farmed with environment destroying herbicides, pesticides, and fertilizers, this all by complements of the corporate moguls: Monsanto, Cargill, Tyson and all the other corporate rulers of industrial farming, farming that now poisons the land and water, all in order to produce toxic food for the masses.

Deserted it stands
against a darkening sky.
All love now long gone.

The Awakening of Russell Henderson


Every Sunday, I try to post an excerpt from my novel, The Awakening of Russell Henderson. Here’s another. The book is available at http://www.amazon.com/author/edwardlehner.

“Retreat? What’s a retreat?”

“I not only committed to work, but also a rigorous meditation schedule, study, and silence.”

“Silence? You’re talking to me now. You texted me. We talked. I don’t understand.”

“I know. I know. I’ve broken my vow. But I had to talk to you. I talked to Rinpoche about it and he encouraged me to contact you. Then to talk to you about — .”

“Who’s this, what, Rinpo . . . who?”

“I’m sorry, Rinpoche is the head of this center. He’s a Tibetan monk and teacher, incredibly smart and compassionate. I love him like a father. He’s helped me before and is helping me now. I can’t disappoint him.”

“Sounds like a cult.”

She pulled away and stood up, glaring at me with venom in her eyes, “Dammit, Russell! I thought you were over all that shit! It is not a fucking cult! When my retreat vow is over, I’m leaving with or without you. So you can fuck off if you want or be with me. I contacted you because he told me to.”

I sat there wide eyed, immediately regretting what I’d just said, “I’m sorry. That was a really dumb thing to say. I’m sorry, really, I’m sorry. Please tell me whatever you want and I’ll shut up.”

“Promise?!”

“Promise.”

“Okay, thank you for your consideration and patience,” she said slowly and deliberately, letting me know to shut up and pay attention. “I have made a fucking vow and I fucking intend to keep it for One! More! Fucking! Month! Get it?! You can stay or Fuck! Off!”

The Awakening of Russell Henderson


Every Sunday, I try to post an excerpt from my novel, The Awakening of Russell Henderson. Here’s another. The book is available at http://www.amazon.com/author/edwardlehner.

I declined and went over to look at the library. It was mainly books on Buddhism, but carried a large number of books on other religious belief systems. I was looking over the titles whenI felt her presence. I turned and she was about five feet away, her eyes wet with tears and her mouth quivering into a weak smile. Neither of us spoke. We just looked at each other for a long time. A lump came into my throat snd my eyes welled with tears. God, she looks so good.

She was dressed in the nondescript plain dress from the sweat back in Mission. I chocked out, “Hi, you look great.”

“So do you,” and she took a step and literally jumped into my arms. I lost my balance and we fortunately ended up in one of the soft chairs. She had both arms around my neck and started to giggle and kiss me. I couldn’t help it and just started laughing. We hung on to each other, laughing, kissing and crying all at the same time.

“God, Hanna, I missed you so much. I was so worried.”

“I’m so sorry. It was stupid of me to do what I did.”

“I’m so happy you’re okay. I was so worried and — ”

She let go and slid into the chair beside me, looked up, pulled me down to kiss her, a long, slow, sweet kiss. Her lips were cool and she tasted like incense. 

The Awakening of Russell Henderson


Every Sunday, I try to post an excerpt from my novel, The Awakening of Russell Henerson. Here’s another. The book is available at http://www.amazon.com/author/edwardlehner.

A few minutes later I got another text. At a retreat center outside Ashland, Oregon. Would Ashland be on your way to warmer climes?

Knowing she was at her phone, I called her. I wanted to talk, not text. She answered.

“Russell, Hi —”

“Hanna, what’s going on — ?”

“I’m sorry, really sorry for . . . sorry for just taking off like I did. That was wrong. You deserved better. I couldn’t . . . just had to — ”

I heard her voice start to crack. Neither of us talked. I sat there, not knowing what I wanted to say. I desperately wanted to go to her, to see her. Yet, I was angry and wanted to scream at her for running away like she did.

“Hanna, why couldn’t you trust me enough to tell me whatever you don’t think you can talk about?’

“How do you — ?”

“John had mentioned something to me. Then I talked with your mother about a month ago. They both told me you had a hard time a while back. I knew something was wrong. Nobody would tell me. What could be so bad? Why couldn’t you just tell me whatever it is?”

I heard her voice now begin quiver, “Because, you’d hate me. You’d leave and I couldn’t, I —  ”